Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Just Thoughts

Please excuse the look of my blog.  I'm still messing around with it and trying to find the look I like.  Not there yet, so please, bear with me.

I have just read Brenda's blog today, cozylittlehouse.com, and it brings up a subject that seems to be shied away from in blog land: divorce and how it affects us.

Some of us are very lucky and we find that knight in shining armor on the first try.  We live in the castle and have children that are always happy and good, have a wonderful day every day...you get the picture.  Don't get me wrong, I wish the best for each of you, always. We do need to be honest though and just say that not every one is that lucky, which is very unfortunate.

Me...well, I married right after high school graduation to a man that I knew since I was 5.  Yep, we met in kindergarten and married after high school.  He joined the Army and we lived in America and in Europe. We saw history in the making when we lived in Berlin.  We had 5 daughters and 11 grandchildren.  We went to church on Sunday and Wednesdays, I home schooled 3 of our daughters, was a stay at home mom our whole marriage.  If you saw us out and about as a family, you would have thought we had it all together, we were a happy family, one younger couples would want to be like.  But then came behind closed doors.

Do we ever know another person, really know what makes them tick?  I thought I did. After 33 years of raising children, taking care of everyday needs, moving around the world, away from friends and family for 20 years, he up and divorced me.  I really should have been shocked, but truth is, I suspected he would do it much sooner.

You see, under that facade of the perfect family, there was abuse.  Not physical, but I think that verbal and mental abuse can be just as hurtful.  He came from an abusive family, one that was physically and mentally abusive.  I guess I thought I could make it better, fix the problem.  I couldn't.  I hung in there, tried for 33 years to teach him about love and compassion.  Can you teach those things?  Maybe he just didn't want to learn.

Divorce always has some type of effect on all the others-the children, the families, the friends. You just hope everyone can heal and move on with their lives. For my family, it's been hard.  My 4 older children, all married with their own children, have learned that their mom wasn't the wack-job their father tried to pass me off as.  They found out that I put up with so much mental abuse and cruelty, just so we could survive.  I never worked outside the home.  Some of my girls thought that I was just lazy and wanted their father to take care of me. I didn't work so he didn't get abusive to them, which I was always afraid of. He always said it wouldn't cost effective for me to work. I think he didn't want me to see what was out there in the world. Probably afraid I'd take the girls and leave. He couldn't afford that child support!!

Three years down the road, we have all tried to move on.  He got married 8 months after our divorce was final, to the friend I thought was my close friend. Nice, huh?  But that's another story. The girls really don't talk much to their father. Hopefully, he can see what he has done, how he has hurt them and ask for their forgiveness.  But I won't hold my breath.

What does this all have to do with a blog?  Not much.  But it shows that we, as people and bloggers, need to realize that it's okay to have problems, to not show a happy face all the time.  We need to be real.  But, I think, in a way, it helps us all realize that we are not alone.  Even though you may never meet in person, you can talk to someone that has walked that path, worn those shoes, cried those tears.

I know that I don't blog like I want to.  Sometimes I feel like I don't have much to contribute, that I really am a fairly boring person.  But I am beginning to realize that it's okay to just be me.  I may say some crazy things, or maybe have a boring post, but it's my post.  I just hope that somehow, maybe, I can help someone out, can have that shoulder for someone to cry on.

I hope all of you forgive me for babbling on.  Sometimes you just need to get things out in the open.  And that's okay.  It just means you're human.

I wish all of you a good night, one full of dreams and wishes.  Laugh with someone you care about, do something good for yourself and remember, you are not alone.

Until next time,


  1. I totally agree with you...my life is far from perfect and I lose my bloggy way at times not knowing whether to be honest about problems or just avoid talking about them on my blog. Other blogs paint pictures of perfect stay-at-home cute crafty lives...I often feel resentful which I don't like to see in myself. Well done for a fantastic thought-provoking post. And I'm sure you will find your way and be happier in time xx

    1. I've always been an artsy person. I know that, at times, it was a refuge for me. It was the one thing that still calms me down, especially if I crochet. Hope you have a wonderful weekend.

  2. Deb, it takes a lot of courage to move on. I've been through divorce and I know it is hurtful and is always more difficult that a person might imagine... but, I can attest that there is life... and a better life... after. The world is your oyster. =) blessings ~ tanna

    1. Sometimes I wish I would have been brave enough to be the one that left and a long time ago at that. I always felt so inadequate at doing things on my own. I wasn't given the chance for a higher education nor was I allowed to work. I know now that those were his way of controlling me. Hind sight, huh?
      Have a wonderful evening.